41

So I know it's been an incredibly long time since I have updated this blog. Hopefully I'll get more time (and more inspiration) to post. But I just had to post this. I just have to brag on God a little bit.
About two or three months ago, my friend Vanessa and I were sitting next to each other during a church luncheon. At this particular luncheon, we were discussing as a church the different areas of ministry we would like to see grow or begin. Youth ministry came up simply in passing. I turned to Vanessa and whispered, "What if you and I did the youth?" She replied, "I was thinking the same thing!" Right then, we knew it was a God-given idea. We started planning and deciding when we wanted to start.
After much discussion and consideration, we figured that we would start our new youth ministry on July 30th, at 7 pm. And since it would be our very first Wednesday, we thought it fitting to have a "Kick off Party". We planned play games, have free pizza, make free frappuccinos, and even have fun giveaways and prizes. We got an awesome team of people who wanted to help work with young teenagers. Then we realized that to buy supplies and prepare adequately, we needed an estimate of how many kids we expected to show up. We decided, "Expect 20-30, prep for 40." We planned to buy 10 pizzas--enough to serve 40 people--and tons of drinks and cookies to go with it.
After thinking it over and discussing it with some people around us, we realized 40 was a pretty big number for our very first night, so we dropped it to just prepping for 20 or so at the last minute. We bought enough pizzas and desserts to serve 25 people. Our team showed up ready and excited. Finally, 7 o'clock rolled around...and 4 kids from our church showed up (2 of them were my sibling, and the other 2 were Vanessa's kids). Vanessa's kids brought 3 of their friends. I was happy that we had some kids of our own show up and that they brought guests. I told everyone, "Well, 40 was a huge number. 7 is good to start off with! This is really great." But inside, I was a little disappointed. I had hoped for at least 10 or 15 kids. But we carried on the night, when suddenly, in the middle of a game, my dad stopped everything and said, "The lady who runs the driving school next door just called. She's bringing her entire class of almost 30 kids over in 15 minutes."
We made a run for it. Some guys from the team rushed over more pizzas, I reset all the games, and others made frappuccinos. All of the sudden, we were flooded with teens. They ate up the pizza, talked with the leaders, got prizes, and participated in the games. When told them who we were and what we were about, and invited them to come back next week, tons of them said they would be happy to come. The teacher of the driving school even said, "They had so much fun, I offered to let them come next week. But I told them they'll have to start class earlier and not get a break." And almost all of them agreed.
At the end of the night, we did a final count. We had forty-ONE kids. Forty-one! Not only did we meet our goal of 20-30, but we beat our prep number of 40! Honestly, when we said, "Prep for 40," we meant that 40 was our "just in case" number. We didn't really think 40 kids would show up on our first night. In fact, deep down, we only really thought that 20 or so kids would come. We even said we'd be happy if just 10 or 15 showed up. But we said "prep for 40" because we figured, "Hey, better to have left overs than not enough." But we did hit 40! We had forty-ONE!
Beating "the number" was really God's way of telling me, "Don't worry about this. I've got it." Throughout this whole process of starting a youth ministry from scratch, I've had doubtful thoughts come to my mind. Should we really be doing this? Will this really work? We don't even have youth in our church right now! Am I too young to be doing this? But I've pushed them away and replaced them with faith. I started to see us having a successful youth group. I started seeing teenagers experiencing change. I started picturing myself standing in front of a large group of young people ministering. I began to tell myself I can do it, that I'm not too young, and that it will work! When 7 kids showed up, those doubtful thoughts came rushing back. See. It was never going to work. What were you thinking when you said 40 kids? Getting that many kids will take you a long time at the rate you're starting at. But when those 34 kids came rushing in at once, God reminded me that He is ALWAYS faithful and ALWAYS willing to provide the desires of our heart.
We had a great night, and I was honored to be able to put on such a fun "Kick-off Party" with the incredible team of volunteers we had. But most of all, I'm thankful that God came through and showed to us all that He can do anything and that He will always provide. He was the one who brought those kids in. Not me. Not Vanessa. Not anyone on the youth team. Not even the driving school teacher. God brought them. We weren't the ones who beat our number. He did. He beat it by one.

Today I was BLESSED

I hope that this story encourages you...here you go. :)
I went to my dorm room in between classes. I’m not even really sure why. When I walked into the room, I questioned, “…why did I come in here? I guess to change into a long sleeve shirt.” As I was switching shirts, I heard a girl say, “This is her.” She walked into my room holding this blazer. She put it in my hands and said, “I want to give this to you.”
It still had the tags on it, and fit me perfect. I thanked her and thanked God. I asked Him, “Lord, why? What’s this for?” I felt like He was saying, “I just wanted to remind you that I love you.”
This was such a blessing to me. Thank you, Jesus. And if the Lord will do something like that for me, He will do the same for you. You just have to simply ask and believe.

I Love How God Speaks To Me

Today, in one of my classes, the Lord really spoke to me. Last year, one of my closest friends passes away. I considered him my brother. I really loved him. And even though it's been a year since he's been gone, I still miss him and think of him often.
Sometimes I would wonder, "It's been a year-is it normal for me to still feel upset and sad about him passing away?" Well, today in class I got an answer.
Our class was about Jesus as our Savior. Mrs. Rachel was teaching incredibly. And all of the sudden, Mrs. Rachel stopped speaking and said, "I feel the Holy Spirit speaking to me. He's speaking to those who have lost loved ones. Those loved ones who have passed on, The Lord wants to remind you that they are not in your past. They're in your future. You'll see then again in heaven."
I just began weeping. That was such a comfort to me. I knew that my friend is in heaven, but just to be reminded that this is not the end. I'll see him again. It was comforting and precious to me. Mrs. Rachel said, "You who feel like that word is for you-you should be very honored that the Lord would stop our class just to speak to you. That's how much he loves you." And I am honored. And thankful. That God was able to speak to me and let me know that it'll all be alright. And that He loves me.

Don't lose your PLACE

So I haven't posted any blogs in a LONG time! Well, let me tell you what has happened in my life.
If you remember, I posted about how God gave me peace about going to a school called Texas Bible Institute, and that I was planning on going there. Well I'm here! This now marks my second week here. Let me tell you, the things I have learned here in just two weeks has been INCREDIBLE. I just wanted to share something that really stuck out to me in class. I thought it would encourage yall.
One of our classes is a DVD course. We do exactly what you're probably thinking-watch a DVD. One that we have been doing is called "Breaking Intimidation", by John Bevere. Something he said today in class was astounding to me.
He read out of 1 Kings 19, about Elijah. Long story short, in 1 Kings 17, Elijah tells Ahab, "Look man, there's not going to be any rain or dew until I say so." And so three years go by, and Lo and behold-no rain or dew. During those three years, Elijah does some pretty amazing stuff. (I won't spoil it for you-you can read it all in 1 Kings 17-18). So he then goes back to Ahab and says, "Hey man, go get all your prophets of Baal, and let's have a show down. We'll both sacrifice something, and whoever's god answers is the REAL God." As you can guess, it was Elijah's God, not Baal. So then, Elijah goes and kills a bunch of Baal's prophets. But suddenly (in 1 Kings 19), Jezabel says, "I'm gonna kill you in the next 24 hours for what you did."
When Elijah heard that, he suddenly felt intimidated. He, who just called fire and rain down from heaven (LITERALLY), feels so intimidated by this woman, that he runs away and hides in a cave. When God comes to him, he says, "Elijah. What are you doing here?" God was asking him, "Why have you run away? Why'd you give up, Elijah?" Elijah tells him a pity story. "Well God, the people tore down your altars and worship false gods and I'm the only one left and they want to kill meeeee." So God tells him to go outside. And out there, God speaks to him in a still, small voice. Elijah-who has just been fed by an angel, spoken to by God-goes BACK into the cave and lays down.
God asks him again, "Elijah, what are you doing here?" And you know what Elijah says? "But Goooood, the people tore down your altars and worship false gods and I'm the only one left and they want to kill meeeee." And guess what God tells him this time?
"Go find a man named Elisha and train him so that he can become a prophet TO REPLACE YOU." No joke. Go read it. To replace you.
I've never caught that before. That Elijah lost his place. When Jezabel threatened his life, he became INTIMIDATED. And that's an evil spirit. God had a great plan for Elijah. He could have destroyed Jezabel. He could have brought Israel back to the Lord. But instead, he became intimidated. And instead of allowing the Lord to speak to him and show him he had no reason to be intimidated, he retold his pity story. "I'm the only one left. They want to kill me." He forgot about God, and started dwelling on himself. And because of that, he lost his place.
When we feel a spirit of intimidation, instead of wallowing in self-pity, we ought to go to God. Forget ourselves. Talk to Him. And take authority in the Spirit and tell that evil spirit to go in Jesus' name.
I hope that encourages yall as much as it did me. And I'll post some more things soon. Love yall!
-A Christian Teenage Girl

"A Good Man Is Hard to Find"

We read that story in lit class. "A Good Man is Hard To Find", by Flannery O'Connor. To quickly summarize it, it starts out about a family taking a road trip. There is a mom, a dad (named Bailey), two children (a boy named John Wesley and a girl named June Star), and a grandmother. They take a car trip. On the way, the grandmother sees an old dirt road and remembers that there is a house down the old road. She manipulates everyone to take the road because she wants to see the house. But two things happen down the road. 1) The grandma remembers that the house she remembers was in Tennessee, and they were in Georgia. 2) The family has a car rec. Their car flips in a ditch, and they are stuck. Suddenly, another car shows up, and three people get out. Turns out, these three people are escaped convicts, one who is a murderer known as "The Misfit". The Misfit has his two buddies take everyone in to the woods and shoot them, but keeps the grandmother with him. He talks to her, and she begs for her life. But suddenly, the grandmother has an epiphony. She reaches out to the Misfit and says "You're one of my own. You're one of my babies." He jumps back and shoots her three times. As he and his two buddies are driving away, the Misfit says the closing line of the story: "She would've been a good woman, had there been someone there to shoot her every minute of her life."
When we finished reading this story, the classroom was filled with silence. Everyone was processing what had just happened and what had just been said. Finally someone broke it, saying "...wow." As our literature teacher began to discuss this story with us, I realized this story has a much deeper meaning. You see, the whole story, the grandmother thinks about "good people". She has an idea that "good" comes from appearances, money, being well educated, etc. Even when the Misfit is standing near her with a gun, she looks at his appearance. From the outside, you couldn't even tell he was a convict or murderer-he is described as looking "scholarly". She looks at his outward appearance and says "you wouldn't shoot a lady-you're a good man." Accourding to the grandmother, she herself is a "good woman". But on the inside-where "goodness" really is, she's not. The entire story, the grandmother wants her way-she wants to go to Tennessee, she wants to see a house, she wants to bring the cat, she wants this, she wants that. She always voices what she wants, and tried to even manipulate to get her way. But something happens to her near the end of the story.
Grandmother is sitting on the ground, begging for her life. Even at this point, it is a selfish plea, asking for the Misfit to spare her, and not her entire family. She is trying to manipulate the Misfit to not kill her, telling him he's a "good man" and whatnot. But when all her family has been shot and killed, and she suddenly realized she has no chance to live, she has what my literature teacher called "a moment of reality". What is more real than having a gun in your face, thinking you're going to die? In that moment, you would probably think of your family or your life, and realize what is "real" and "unreal". You would probably realize something about yourself that you could have changed in your life. That's what happened to grandmother. She had a moment-just one moment-in her life where she forgot herself. She didn't think about herself or her own wants or appearances. She became selfless for the first time in her life, and reached out to the Misfit. She saw him in a moment of distress and forgot that he was a murderer or that she was a lady. She forgot all that, and reached out to him, offering love and acceptance, as if he was her own baby. And this shocks the Misfit, so he kills her. But his final statement is the most profound statement in the entire story. "She would have been a good woman, if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life." If she had had a fun in her face ever minute of her life, she would have been truly good. The grandmother had an act going her whole life. She pretended to be a good woman. And it wasn't until the literal last moment of her life, when she had a gun pointed at her, that she changed.
This story made me really think about my life and how I am. When I come to the end of my life, I don't want to look back and think "I could have been so different-so much better." I don't want to be like the grandmother and think all my life that I was a truly "good" person. But I can't be a good person. Not on my own. Sure I can be polite to people and try to love them. But I can't on my own. I'm bound to screw up something or mess up something by myself. Which is why I need God. Why I need him to help me and whisper in my heart "Don't do that. That's not right" when I'm doing the wrong thing. I need Him by my side so that when I come to the end of my life, I don't look back and think "I could have changed so much." I want to look back and think, "I am so glad Jesus helped me be good everyday." I want to live my life in that "moment of reality", as if every minute of my life was my last. And with God's help, I can do that.

"She would have been a good woman,” The Misfit said, “if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life."

Tah-Dah! A New Year's Post! :)

The following comic has nothing to do with what I'm about to post. I simply find it humorous:













And now to something relevant...
If you read my post about last New Years, let me tell you-2011 was great. So much better than 2010. This year, I did the same thing as I did last year: I listed out the "highlights" of my 2011. Last year, I looked back at many of my things I listed, and felt full of regrets and hurt. 2010 was just not a good year. So I decided to start 2011 different. I started it off right-centering it around God. And it was the best desicion I've ever made.
In 2011, I read completely through the bible for the first time in my life. It was a wonderful feeling, and I devoured every word of it's wisdom. (If you have never tried that, I encourage you to find a plan and read it. It is great.) Also in 2011, I began a relationship with a boy which became my first "real" relationship, you could say. It lasted 6 months, and even though it didn't work out, I took alot of good from it and learned alot of great things. I started a new season in my life in 2011-my senior year-and recieved confirmation about what God wants me to do after I graduate. And also, my dad started to travel every weekend to be mentored by another pastor last year. Yep. 2011 was a great year.
2011 was good, but it also came with it's own problems too. I lost two very close friends. One of my friends left me and my family. Through that experience, I learned that you never know who someone really is until conflict arises. I thought that this person was my closest friend. I called him my brother. However, when conflict came, he decided to leave, even though it hurt us all. But even when people like that leave us, we can turn to God for comfort-because no matter what we do, he will never leave us.
My other friend passed away. Through his death, I realized how many people I have around me that love me and care about me and are there for me. I also learned not to take advantage of any opportunity I have to love someone and let them know that, because you never know if that person will be there the next day. I will always miss my friend, and as much as I wish he were here to share the excitements of 2012 with me, I know that he is in a better place. I love him and miss him so much.
So though 2011 was a great year and taught me some great lessons, it is in the past. 2011 is gone and 2012 is here. I pray that in 2012, God will be able to use me and speak to me in a brand new way that I have never known before. I want to strengthen my relationship with him and focus on it even more so that I have ever done before. I want to center every relationship I have with everyone around God. I want God to bring me someone like my father has-a spiritual mentor to guide me in this critical time of my life. As I close out my senior year and move on to new things, I want 2012 to be the best year of my life. And with God on my side, I know that I will be able to do that.
-Happy New Year.
A Christian Teenage Girl

Ladies and Gentleman, The President

So on Tumblr, I am doing a "30 day challenge". For 30 days, it gives you something to blog about. So today's "challenge" was "Who do you think would make a good president?" I answered just like this:


Who do I think would make a good president? This guy. No. Not Jim Caviezel (although he would make one darn attractive president). Jesus Christ. He would be the perfect president because…well, He’s perfect. He would sacrifice. He would love unconditionally. He would be wise. He would be powerful. He would be merciful and graceful, but still be just and righteous. He wouldn’t be self-centered, deceiving, or unfair, because He’s Jesus Christ. He would be the best president this world has ever seen. :)

Thank you JESUS.

(I am about to leave and catch a plane, so this post will be rather short.)
So with Thanksgiving coming up and whatnot, I have been thinking about thankfulness. What will you be thankful for this Thanksgiving? I know what I'll be thankful for. I'll be thankful for the wonderful family God has given me. For the incredible friends that surround me everyday. For a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes to wear. But most of all, I will be thanking Jesus for dying for me. Thanking Him for His grace and mercy and unfailing love He gives me everyday, when I never deserved it in the first place. I'll be thanking God that I just woke up.

Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth!

Worship the Lord with gladness.

Come before him, singing with joy.

Acknowledge that the Lord is God!

He made us, and we are His.

We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter into his gates with THANKSGIVING;

Go into his courts with praise.

Give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good.

His UNFAILING love continues forever,

and his faithfullness continues to each generation.

-Psalms 100 (NLT)

Incredible Inspiration

I read this book a few years back (and I want to purchase my own copy and read it again). It’s called “I would Die For You”. It is about a boy named BJ Higgins. When he was 15, he felt God calling him. He decided to go on a missions trip to Peru. There, he caught a disease that took his life. His story really inspired me. His life amazed me. His devotion to God left me wanting to be like him. He is a huge reason I began blogging about my life and Christ. He used things like the internet and his way with words to reach out to his friends and help them in their walk with Christ and win them to the Lord. His life made me want to change mine. He made me want to be like that. As soon as I read that book, I opened up Facebook and began posting. A few days later, I opened up a blog. I now have two blogs. One of them is read by people all over the world-I have at least one person in every continent reading it. The other has 117 followers. I went on my own mission trip to India. I now feel like God is drawing me to the missions feild. The life of BJ Higgins inspired me to live mine totally for God. He would’ve been a great person to know on this earth, and when I get to heaven, I would be honored for him to be one of the first people I meet.

Thank you Jesus for GRACE!

So this week I was shown true grace in an incredible way. I got something that I did NOT deserve. Here's the story.
I have a favorite band. My favorite band is Anberlin. I LOVE Anberlin. And I looked at Anberlin's schedule and found out they were going to be in my town. The part of town they were going to be in was in that scary part of town that I would NEVER go to by myself, and my dad ALWAYS goes to concerts with me. I said "DAD. DAD. ANBERLIN IS GOING TO BE HERE IN A FEW WEEKS. CAN WE GO?!" I told him the dates, and his face fell. "Well, Rachel," he said "I'll be out of town that day. I don't think it will work." (See, my dad has been going to see his pastor/mentor every weekend. His mentor is 5 hours away.) "Well can't you change your flight?" "No. It will cost me $150. I can't." I tried and tried to work it out for us to go see Anberlin, and every date had SOME sort of complication with it. I begged and begged my dad to make something work. I treated him coldly when he finally said, "NO!" I complained and was short with him, and made it clear that I was upset that he would NOT take me to the concert. When I saw that I was really hurting his feelings, I thought about it. I realized I wasn't mad at my dad for not taking me-I was upset at OTHER things that had gone on that day, and was taking it out on him. I apologized. I said "Dad, I know what you're doing every weekend is from God, and so I'm really sorry I treated you badly for not taking me to that concert. I understand. And I'm not really upset about the concert. Other stuff has upsetted me today, and I was just mad about that. Can you please forgive me?" he said yes. The next day, he sat me down and told me to relook at the tickets. When we found them, he said "Get me my credit card." He bought the tickets right in front of me. He then looked at me and said "Now, Rachel, I want you to know, I'm not doing this because you acted badly yesterday or because you had a bad day. I'm buying these tickets because you asked me to forgive you for treating me like that." We talked some more, and I said "But dad, what about your plane ticket? How did you fix that?" He just said "I haven't yet." I realized what a chance he was taking. He bought the tickets, confirming that he WAS taking me-whether he had to pay the $150 for the plane or not. I was incredibly grateful that I have such a good dad.
Later, he called the airport and talked to them. It turns out, when he called the airport the first time, the woman said "You can't change-it will be $150." But actually, you had 24 hours after you booked the flight to change your flight for free. My dad explained this to the person he was talking to that the woman was mistaken and that he should have been able to change his flight. He also kindly asked if he could change it now with out paying $150, because he would be flying the same airline consistently for the next year. The person said "Hold on sir." When they came back, they told my father he was right-he could change the flight, but he would have to pay $50 for the difference in first ticket and the second ticket. Understanding, my dad agreed. He excitedly told me "I worked it out! We're going to that concert!"
I sat and thought even more about that. With the way I had treated my father before, I did NOT deserve those tickets. I didn't deserve ANYTHING. I treated him terribly! But with grace, my dad bought the tickets-giving me something I did NOT deserve. And the God, in HIS grace, made it able for my dad to not pay $150 to change his ticket. God showed me grace also. I didn't deserve any of that. But grace made it available to me. And that is the beauty of the love of God. He gives us things (like salvation) when we DON'T deserve them-showing us grace-and doesn't give us things (like death and hell) when we DO deserve them-showing us mercy. God's love-his grace and mercy-always leaves me speechless and grateful for Jesus and his love for us. Thank you, Lord, for that!

Radical, Dude

So I've been reading a book called "Radical" by David Platt. I'm almost done with it. I would definitely suggest all Christians read that book. It's really eye-opening, mind-blowing, and convicting. I wanted to blog a little about what I've gathered from it so far.
First of all, he talks about the pursuit of "The American Dream". The "American Dream" is the idea of building ourselves up, becoming rich and comfortable, and loving ourselves. It's all about material prosperity. But the author brings out something that is amazing to me: The American dream and Jesus Christ contradict each other. Where as the American dream is all about selfishness-"me" and all I can do and have-Jesus lived a life of selflessness. He gave up all he had. He served. You cannot chase something that is rooted in selfishness and pride while also chasing God-which calls us to live a life of selflessness and humility.
Secondly, David Platt talks about how when we begin to twist Christianity into something we like. He talks about how we tend to take away traits of God we don't like and put in a bunch we do. For example, we might say "Oh, I don't really like that God is a wrathful judge who condemns my sins. I think I'll take that away and put some love and mercy into God where I want it." Yes, God is loving and merciful and full of grace, but he is also the wrathful judge who judges our sins. And when we begin to do that, we begin to paint a picture of Jesus that looks alot less like him and alot more like us. The danger of that is this: when we think we're worshipping Jesus Christ and the God of the Bible, we're really worshipping ourselves. We might not say that we do that, but I found even in myself, I subconsciously have painted a picture of Jesus that looks alot less like him and alot more like me.
Third, he asks the question "Why are we saved?" And the author says we are saved and created to "enjoy God's grace and spread his glory." As crazy and as hard to understand as it may seem, he says God didn't save us simply out of his love (although MUCH love was involved). He says God saved us so that we could spread his glory and his love to others, and then THEY can spread his glory and love, and everyone they spread the gospel to can spread it again, and it just becomes a huge chain reaction.
Fourthly, he talks about how Christ called us ALL to go into the WORLD and makes disciples of ALL nations (Matthew 28:19). He talks about how some people say "Oh, it's not 'God's will' for my life for me to go out to another country and spread the gospel," so we just send money for others to go out and do that-but not us. No. Not us. But according to the bible, Christ HAS called us ALL to do this! That doesn't mean everyone is called to go live in another country forever and permanently "be a missionary", but it DOES mean that we are called to spread the gospel to ALL nations! It's not hard to go on a mission trip or tell someone about Christ. This is what God has called us to do! This IS God's will for our lives.
The fifth thing he talks about is true, but terrified me. He talks about this: what if we DON'T follow Christ's command to spread the gospel? Do we really realize how selfish it is? And do we realize that because of our selfishness, many won't hear the gospel? And as a result of that, many will die unsaved, never hearing of Christ, and go to hell? Some people say, "Oh it's not fair of God to send people to hell if they haven't heard of Jesus!" But David Platt says "There is no injustice with God. The injustice lies in Christians who possess the gospel and refuse to give their lives to making it known among those who haven't heard. THAT is unfair."
Think of it this way: Imagine this-everyone around you is contracting a disease. Everyone around you is dying. And you hold in your hand a huge bag, full of syringes. Syringes full of the antidote to this disease. And you have enough syringes in your bag to save EVERYONE. Would you hide your bag, and not give the antidote to anyone but yourself? Would you sit and watch everyone die a slow, painful death, and you knew that you were going to live? NO! Of course not! Many would begin passing out syringes, rushing everywhere, all over the WORLD to save lives.
Can't we see? WE have the antidote. WE have the syringe. WE can save EVERYONE. SO WHY DON'T WE SHARE IT? Why do we hide it away, knowing we are safe, and watch everyone around us travel on the road to hell? WHY?
So many people have not heard the gospel. How can we say it is NOT God's will for them to hear? How can we sit back and say "Nah-God hasn't called me to do that. Not me"? WE HAVE THE KEY. David Platt explains it like this: "God sends his servants. His servants preach. People hear. Hearers believe. Believers call [on God]. Everyone who calls in saved...We are the plan of God, and there IS NO PLAN B." WE HAVE THE KEY to SAVE LIVES. Not just lives-ETERNITIES. WE HAVE THE ANTIDOTE. WHY DON'T WE SHARE IT?
After reading the book, I feel like I could passionately go on for hours about this. I now know this IS God's will for my life. There is so much deep stuff in that book that is mind blowing. It is eye opening. I really do suggest all Christians read that book. "Radical" by David Platt.

When you Hold on to stuff, and that stuff holds you back, it makes it hard to get to Jesus.

A little boy in my kids church, when asked to share about the church-camp trip he had just attended, stood up infront of the entire adult congregation and boldly said this. He’s probably less that 12 years old. I could not believe it. Believe his age. Hid boldness. And the amount of truth in that statement.
“When you hold on to stuff, and that stuff holds you back, it makes it hard to get to Jesus.”
I later approached that little boy and hugged him and said ‘Bill! I’m so proud of you-everything that you said up there!” His response shocked me.
“I wanted to say more, but my mind just went blank. I wanted to talk about when we went on that hike, and they told us when we got to the top of the mountain, to tell something that holds us back-something we never told anybody. I wanted to talk about how we were so high up there, you could just feel the presence of God. And when all these men shared secrets nobody knew,-man, the wind picked up, and you could just feel…God.”
The same day, we took up offering in kids church, and as usual, I asked if anyone wanted to pray over it. All the kids were quiet (as usual). I looked at little Bill and said, “Bill, would you like to pray?” (Just two weeks before, I asked him the same question, and he said “Nah, I don’t like praying.”) This time, he looked in my eyes, and with a genuine look said,
“I don’t know how to pray over offering, but I will.”
I said, “Well, just tell God thank you for the offering, and pray that He will bless it. And just say thanks for letting us learn about Him. Just pray whatever you feel, Bill.” He said "Okay." I bowed my head, prepared to pray, when I noticed something that amazed me.
Little Bill had knelt down on his knees in front of everyone and said "Uhh...God...thank you for this offering. Please bless it. Thank you for the kids church and that we can come to learn. Thank you for the camping trip we just went on. Thanks for everything. Love you. Amen."
Little Bill got up off of his knees, and went back to his seat. I sat in awe at this child. In jusst two days, his life had changed completely. And God spoke something to me.
"This is what I mean when I tell you-Have child-like faith."

This has been on my Heart

Someone I follow on Tumblr posted this picture with the caption "This is what you do to Him. your body is God's temple". It made me remember a vision I once had.
If you have read my testimony, you know at one point in my life, I was deeply involved in cutting. (If you haven't read it-you should! thepastorskid.tumblr.com/testimony! Anyways-) After I got out of my addiction, I was praying one time. And I don't remember what I was praying or asking God about, but I remember all the sudden, I started getting this vision. I saw myself, sitting on the floor of my bathroom, with a razor in my hand, carefully cutting my own wrist. At first I was like "Oh, God-why are you showing me this?" But then, I realized something about the vision. I saw behind me, and man in white. I knew immediatly that it was Jesus. He was looking right at me cutting myself. And as I looked into Jesus' eyes, I saw that He was...crying. But not just a few tears or crying a little bit. I looked and saw that Jesus Christ-the creator of the world, the ultimate sacrifice-was weeping. He was broken hearted, and I knew it. It was like I could feel his heart breaking for me. Tears were streaming down His face. And the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "This is how I felt. You hurt yourself, but it hurt me also."
In reality, I began to cry. "Oh God-forgive me! Forgive me!" I remember saying. And all I really remember after that is feeling a peaceful sensation and feeling as though Jesus was saying "I already have."
Have you ever thought about that, though? When you do something that hurts you-whether shooting up drugs or cutting yourself or drinking too much or whatever you might do that isn't good for you-it not only hurts you. It hurts Jesus also. It hurts his heart. His heart breaks-for us. Have you ever thought of that? I know I never did. But it changed the way I thought of things. I got this thought: I am God's creation, and when I would injure and hurt myself, I was hurting his creation. I was insulting him. But He loves me wholly, and all I did was scar and hurt his art. I don't deserve his love. Yet he gives it too me anyway. That's the beauty and greatness of Jesus Christ and God's unfailing love. We never deserve it, but it's always ours to take.

Your Eyes, Your Ears, and Your Heart

This weekend, I have been at a church confrence. It's been so great, hearing all these speakers being used and hearing the Holy Spirit speak through them. Last night, the speaker, Pastor G.F. Watkins, spoke about the Holy Spirit, and the babtism of the Holy Spirit, and speaking in tounges. I liked the way he explained speaking in tounges-he said "When the Holy Spirit babtizes you, he gives you a language and way to speak to God-one your brain can't mess up." I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. Many times I've prayed, using my own words, and stumbled over my words or lost focus on what I was praying about-but when I pray in the Spirit, I feel peaceful-like I know what I'm praying is what I need to be praying about. I liked that explanation alot. So what does that have to do with your ears, eyes, and heart? Nothing at all actually, because all I just said is not what I actually wanted to blog about. So I think I'll talk about that. :)
What I really wanted to blog about was what Pastor G.F. Watkins' wife, Rose Watkins, preached about. She used a verse in Matthew, where Jesus is explaining why he told parables. The version she used said (I don't remember which version it was, but it went something like this-) "They have ears, but cannot hear. They have eyes, but their eyes are closed. They have hearts, but their hearts have grown dull." She then went on to say, "What about your ears? When was the last time you really heard from God? What about your eyes? When do you open them to see things the way God sees them? And what about your heart? Has your heart grown dull?" She talked about herself, and how she went through some hard times recently, and to her, reading her bible and praying became routine things. But she said, weeping, that now, she can't be in the precence of God, read her bible, or pray without hungering for more, and desiring it and looking deeper into it. Her altar call was for if you felt like your eyes are closed, and you want to see things the way God sees them, if your ears aren't hearing, and you want to hear God speak, or if your heart has grown dull, and you want it to become soft again. I went up because I felt like that's where I am right now. I still read my Bible everyday, I still worship, I still pray-but I feel like it's just routine. Like I'm not going deeper. Like God isn't speaking. Like I've gotten a bit dull. And I want that to change. I wanna go deeper. I wanna hear God speak to me. I want him to speak to me through everything and everyone. I want to see things like God does. I want to be like that woman, Rose, and weep at the mere mention of being in the presence of God. I want God to sharpen my heart.
So my question I leave you with is this: What about you? What's the condition of your eyes, your ears, and your heart?

Whew I haven't posted in awhile...

Okay...so I feel like it's been forEVER since I posted. Well, I have a few short things to say.

1) Bible reading. If you read my New Year's post, you would know that I said one of the things I wanted to do was to keep up with reading my Bible and finish it in a year. Well since January 1st, I have kept up with it everyday. I feel accomplished and God has spoken to me so much through it. Let me just show you what I read last night:

"Teach me your ways, Oh Lord

That I may live according to your truth.

Grant me purity of heart,

So that I may honor you.

With all my heart, I will praise you,

Oh Lord, my God.

I will give glory to your name forever,

For your love is great.

You have rescued me from the depths of death."

-Psalms 86:11-13

That verse just meant alot to me. I really loved it, and it made me want to make that my life's prayer. Teach me your ways Oh Lord. Grant me purity of heart. I love it. I want to live my life like that. Praising God, living my life to honor him, because of what he's done and how he rescued me. So think about it. I know this verse will definitely be in my heart and spirit for awhile, and I'm gonna be meditating on it quite a bit for the next few days...or weeks...or months...or whenever. :)

2) Check out my testimony! I posted it on my tumblr blog. Here is the link. http://thepastorskid.tumblr.com/testimony I hope it encourages someone somehow or speaks into someone's life.

And that's all I really have to say...I hope to start blogging more often. God bless! :)

-A Christian Teenage Girl

Kill Two Birds with One Blog

Tonight (or this morning, or this afternoon...whatever), I'm going to "Kill Two Birds with One Stone"-or cover two topics in one blog. Here we go:

1) Okay, so maybe you've read my post titled "Redefining Normal", maybe you haven't. (you should, because it's really good.) Anyways, God has been reminding me of this lately. Redefining Normal. I've noticed something. I've been praying for God to give me his heart, and when I did, I started noticing things I never noticed. Like how it is really "normal" for a Christian teenager to NOT live their life like it. It's "normal" for Christian teenagers to live their lives at double standards. And this has been driving me crazy. Ask my mom. Me and my mom have a good relationship, and one night, I was talking to her about this-teenagers I know who have to potential to be great leaders for God, but live double lives. I talked about one who cusses when we go out for lunch, and then fasts once a week to pray. I talked about another one who has such high faith, but listens to "dirty" music-music that uses "the f-word" MULTIPLE times-and when I asked this person about it, their reply was that it was fine. I talked about one who can pray in the spirit for hours on end, but dresses "not so modest" when we go to the mall or movies-and when I told this person that, thinking she would be thankful I cared about it, she said "Eh-nah. It's fine". I brought up so many examples of teenagers I know who CAN be great leaders, but don't go the whole way because they're too busy leading double lives. And for some reason, I got incredibly angry. I didn't understand why, but then I realizes-I had been praying for God's heart, and He'd given me a piece of it. I wasn't angry at the people I was mentioning, but the fact that they openly lead double lives. I don't understand how we can think this is okay? I don't get it how we can have leaders and people stand up for what's right and wrong-when they live these double lives! It makes no sense to me. Why don't we want to change the way we live and live realistically and "practice what we preach"? I wonder-what has it come to when it is "normal" to hear cuss words come out of our own mouth, or to put then into our spirit with the music we listen to, or to dress unmodest-how did we get to the state where this is normal for Christians? Where no one will stand up and say "This is not right!" I'm not saying I'm perfect, or that I have it all together-no, this blog is as much for me as it is for you. I sin. And I feel convicted, and ask for forgiveness. But when you regularly lead a double life, it's hard to feel conviction or feel God speak to you. This normalicy of a double life blows my mind. But it made me realize something-that we have a MAJOR need to "redefine normal"-if this is what normal is, I want to change it. (one bird down.)

2) Lately, in my little Christian school, I've been a bit irritable about something. Complaining against leadership. I've been praying for this too. And something was brought to my attention:
I've been reading Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers (headed towards Deuteronomy-) in my daily Bible reading. And you know what I noticed? The Isrealites complaints and murmurings kept them out of the promised land for years and years. And it was like they didn't get it. They just kept complaining-specifically against Moses and Aarron. So here's the thing that hit me-their complaining cost them something huge. And I've noticed this also-it's really easy to complain about leadership. But as the Isrealites showed-it's never a good idea. It doesn't work. One time, God brough a plague on them. Once he made snakes come and bite them. And it goes on and on, their punishment for complaining. (And that's not even mentioning the fact that they were stuck in the wilderness forEVER.) So all this to say-your words have power. One time, the Isrealites where whining, saying "Oh we'll never make it. Blah blah blah." And God said "Okay-I'll give you what you've been speaking over yourselves-you WON'T make it into the promised land. Sorry. You said, not me." So pretty much, be careful what you say, because it could hold you back from the great things God has promised you. (two birds with one blog. Done.)