This has been on my Heart

Someone I follow on Tumblr posted this picture with the caption "This is what you do to Him. your body is God's temple". It made me remember a vision I once had.
If you have read my testimony, you know at one point in my life, I was deeply involved in cutting. (If you haven't read it-you should! thepastorskid.tumblr.com/testimony! Anyways-) After I got out of my addiction, I was praying one time. And I don't remember what I was praying or asking God about, but I remember all the sudden, I started getting this vision. I saw myself, sitting on the floor of my bathroom, with a razor in my hand, carefully cutting my own wrist. At first I was like "Oh, God-why are you showing me this?" But then, I realized something about the vision. I saw behind me, and man in white. I knew immediatly that it was Jesus. He was looking right at me cutting myself. And as I looked into Jesus' eyes, I saw that He was...crying. But not just a few tears or crying a little bit. I looked and saw that Jesus Christ-the creator of the world, the ultimate sacrifice-was weeping. He was broken hearted, and I knew it. It was like I could feel his heart breaking for me. Tears were streaming down His face. And the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "This is how I felt. You hurt yourself, but it hurt me also."
In reality, I began to cry. "Oh God-forgive me! Forgive me!" I remember saying. And all I really remember after that is feeling a peaceful sensation and feeling as though Jesus was saying "I already have."
Have you ever thought about that, though? When you do something that hurts you-whether shooting up drugs or cutting yourself or drinking too much or whatever you might do that isn't good for you-it not only hurts you. It hurts Jesus also. It hurts his heart. His heart breaks-for us. Have you ever thought of that? I know I never did. But it changed the way I thought of things. I got this thought: I am God's creation, and when I would injure and hurt myself, I was hurting his creation. I was insulting him. But He loves me wholly, and all I did was scar and hurt his art. I don't deserve his love. Yet he gives it too me anyway. That's the beauty and greatness of Jesus Christ and God's unfailing love. We never deserve it, but it's always ours to take.

Your Eyes, Your Ears, and Your Heart

This weekend, I have been at a church confrence. It's been so great, hearing all these speakers being used and hearing the Holy Spirit speak through them. Last night, the speaker, Pastor G.F. Watkins, spoke about the Holy Spirit, and the babtism of the Holy Spirit, and speaking in tounges. I liked the way he explained speaking in tounges-he said "When the Holy Spirit babtizes you, he gives you a language and way to speak to God-one your brain can't mess up." I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. Many times I've prayed, using my own words, and stumbled over my words or lost focus on what I was praying about-but when I pray in the Spirit, I feel peaceful-like I know what I'm praying is what I need to be praying about. I liked that explanation alot. So what does that have to do with your ears, eyes, and heart? Nothing at all actually, because all I just said is not what I actually wanted to blog about. So I think I'll talk about that. :)
What I really wanted to blog about was what Pastor G.F. Watkins' wife, Rose Watkins, preached about. She used a verse in Matthew, where Jesus is explaining why he told parables. The version she used said (I don't remember which version it was, but it went something like this-) "They have ears, but cannot hear. They have eyes, but their eyes are closed. They have hearts, but their hearts have grown dull." She then went on to say, "What about your ears? When was the last time you really heard from God? What about your eyes? When do you open them to see things the way God sees them? And what about your heart? Has your heart grown dull?" She talked about herself, and how she went through some hard times recently, and to her, reading her bible and praying became routine things. But she said, weeping, that now, she can't be in the precence of God, read her bible, or pray without hungering for more, and desiring it and looking deeper into it. Her altar call was for if you felt like your eyes are closed, and you want to see things the way God sees them, if your ears aren't hearing, and you want to hear God speak, or if your heart has grown dull, and you want it to become soft again. I went up because I felt like that's where I am right now. I still read my Bible everyday, I still worship, I still pray-but I feel like it's just routine. Like I'm not going deeper. Like God isn't speaking. Like I've gotten a bit dull. And I want that to change. I wanna go deeper. I wanna hear God speak to me. I want him to speak to me through everything and everyone. I want to see things like God does. I want to be like that woman, Rose, and weep at the mere mention of being in the presence of God. I want God to sharpen my heart.
So my question I leave you with is this: What about you? What's the condition of your eyes, your ears, and your heart?