"A Good Man Is Hard to Find"

We read that story in lit class. "A Good Man is Hard To Find", by Flannery O'Connor. To quickly summarize it, it starts out about a family taking a road trip. There is a mom, a dad (named Bailey), two children (a boy named John Wesley and a girl named June Star), and a grandmother. They take a car trip. On the way, the grandmother sees an old dirt road and remembers that there is a house down the old road. She manipulates everyone to take the road because she wants to see the house. But two things happen down the road. 1) The grandma remembers that the house she remembers was in Tennessee, and they were in Georgia. 2) The family has a car rec. Their car flips in a ditch, and they are stuck. Suddenly, another car shows up, and three people get out. Turns out, these three people are escaped convicts, one who is a murderer known as "The Misfit". The Misfit has his two buddies take everyone in to the woods and shoot them, but keeps the grandmother with him. He talks to her, and she begs for her life. But suddenly, the grandmother has an epiphony. She reaches out to the Misfit and says "You're one of my own. You're one of my babies." He jumps back and shoots her three times. As he and his two buddies are driving away, the Misfit says the closing line of the story: "She would've been a good woman, had there been someone there to shoot her every minute of her life."
When we finished reading this story, the classroom was filled with silence. Everyone was processing what had just happened and what had just been said. Finally someone broke it, saying "...wow." As our literature teacher began to discuss this story with us, I realized this story has a much deeper meaning. You see, the whole story, the grandmother thinks about "good people". She has an idea that "good" comes from appearances, money, being well educated, etc. Even when the Misfit is standing near her with a gun, she looks at his appearance. From the outside, you couldn't even tell he was a convict or murderer-he is described as looking "scholarly". She looks at his outward appearance and says "you wouldn't shoot a lady-you're a good man." Accourding to the grandmother, she herself is a "good woman". But on the inside-where "goodness" really is, she's not. The entire story, the grandmother wants her way-she wants to go to Tennessee, she wants to see a house, she wants to bring the cat, she wants this, she wants that. She always voices what she wants, and tried to even manipulate to get her way. But something happens to her near the end of the story.
Grandmother is sitting on the ground, begging for her life. Even at this point, it is a selfish plea, asking for the Misfit to spare her, and not her entire family. She is trying to manipulate the Misfit to not kill her, telling him he's a "good man" and whatnot. But when all her family has been shot and killed, and she suddenly realized she has no chance to live, she has what my literature teacher called "a moment of reality". What is more real than having a gun in your face, thinking you're going to die? In that moment, you would probably think of your family or your life, and realize what is "real" and "unreal". You would probably realize something about yourself that you could have changed in your life. That's what happened to grandmother. She had a moment-just one moment-in her life where she forgot herself. She didn't think about herself or her own wants or appearances. She became selfless for the first time in her life, and reached out to the Misfit. She saw him in a moment of distress and forgot that he was a murderer or that she was a lady. She forgot all that, and reached out to him, offering love and acceptance, as if he was her own baby. And this shocks the Misfit, so he kills her. But his final statement is the most profound statement in the entire story. "She would have been a good woman, if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life." If she had had a fun in her face ever minute of her life, she would have been truly good. The grandmother had an act going her whole life. She pretended to be a good woman. And it wasn't until the literal last moment of her life, when she had a gun pointed at her, that she changed.
This story made me really think about my life and how I am. When I come to the end of my life, I don't want to look back and think "I could have been so different-so much better." I don't want to be like the grandmother and think all my life that I was a truly "good" person. But I can't be a good person. Not on my own. Sure I can be polite to people and try to love them. But I can't on my own. I'm bound to screw up something or mess up something by myself. Which is why I need God. Why I need him to help me and whisper in my heart "Don't do that. That's not right" when I'm doing the wrong thing. I need Him by my side so that when I come to the end of my life, I don't look back and think "I could have changed so much." I want to look back and think, "I am so glad Jesus helped me be good everyday." I want to live my life in that "moment of reality", as if every minute of my life was my last. And with God's help, I can do that.

"She would have been a good woman,” The Misfit said, “if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life."

...just sayin'.

Last year (2011), I read the Bible completely through for the first time in my life. (And on January 1st, I opened it up and started all over!) If you have never done it, I really encourage you to find a plan that is right for you, start it up, and read it everyday. It has opened my eyes up to so much. I feel as though I have gained wisdom and learned things that I have been able to apply to my life everyday. I heard a wise man say once "Put the word in when you don't need it, and it will be there for you when you do." In other words, put the Bible in your heart, even though it might not "speak to you" right at that moment. But if you do that, when you need it, it will be there in your heart, and God will remind you of it. You would be suprised at how many times I have said "Hey! I remember reading such-and-such last week...wow...that really helps me with my situation today." So always remember that: "Put the word in when you don't need it, and it will be there for you when you do." It's well worth your time and effort. Plus, when you finish, you feel really accomplished and proud of yourself. Just sayin.

Beauty from Pain

This morning, I was reading my Bible with my Mom, and we were reading in John when Jesus died on the cross and said to his disciple and mother "This is now your son, and this is now your mother." We started talking about why God did that. And somehow, my mom mentioned something about going through hard times and trials and suffering. We started talking about he God uses other people's suffering and does something amazing out of it, much like Jesus dying on the cross-his suffering-bringing out salvation. And here is what I said:
"

I know how that is. You know how I blog, Mom? Well I try to be real and blog
about my life. I blogged once about how God saved me from sin, and used a quote
from the movie Tron. I talked about how this character said she felt like she
was dying, and then she felt a hand on her shoulder and there, above her, was
the creator. I talked about how even though this is a fiction charachter talking
about a fake creator, it can be so deep. I talked about how I felt like I was
dying in my sin, but God put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a reason to
live. Mom, someone commented on that blog and said 'I don't know who you are,
and it doesn't matter who I am, but I am going through some tough times.' Mom,
my blog is helping people. I look at the stats, and people on the other side of
the world read my blog. I blog about my pain, and it helps other people on the
other side of the world. But get this, Mom-you know what made me want to blog?
Reading a book about BJ Higgins, and how his parents started a blog when THEY
were going though hard times. Their pain inspired me, and my pain inspires
people on the other side of the world."

I find that so amazing-God can take such sad things-like the Higgins family losing their son, or a depressed and bitter girl who was addicted to cutting-and use them for good. He can do that with your hard times and struggles to-if you'll only let Him. I hope that thought encourages you in some small (or big) way.